My mind won’t stop racing so I am having a hard time sleeping. I am hoping that blogging right now will help empty my mind a bit so I can get some sleep before our house is filled today with about 25 family members. It will be fun to have everyone here to enjoy Thanksgiving.
I want to write more about how our referral came about but it is best for us to wait until we return from the first trip to do so. I can say that this adorable guy is almost 21 months old and is living in Baby Home 3 in Ussuriysk. Blake was in Artem so we will be traveling a bit further each day and experiencing a new baby home.
I am really struggling right now with how much to allow my heart to soften. This is one of the downsides to reading blogs and having traveled down this road once before. Believe me when I tell you that I am already in love with the little guy whose picture is on my computer. No matter what happens he is going to have a place in my heart forever. I want to be joyous, thankful, and excited about that feeling. My heart and sometimes my head tells me to live in the moment and accept these overwhelming feelings of joy. But then there is my logical, cautious, subdued side of my head reminding me of everything that can go wrong and the excruciating wait that is ahead. Then I get annoyed with myself because I feel that shows a complete lack of faith in God’s plans for us. Ugh! Why do I have to think so much?!?! I want so bad to just put all my inhibitions aside and relish in the moment. I just can’t stop thinking of the families that have been a few days from traveling to meet their referral and something happens in which they are no longer allowed to go. Or even worse the people who traveled to meet their son or daughter and are not getting court dates in order to bring them home. Again one part of me says if it is God’s will it is going to happen, but I also know that there are people who interfere with God’s will all of the time and make this life much more difficult than it needs to be. And no matter what, even if everything goes smoothly, the process requires us to leave Russia without our child for a minimum of 2 months. I have been so excited and completely terrified to get to that part of our journey again. Of course it is a blessing but it is a very rough storm to weather as well.
I feel like this post is sounding negative on this Thanksgiving morning. Honestly there is very little negativity in my thoughts right now. Justin and I are amazed out how things have turned out so far. We are so excited to meet the little guy waiting for us in Baby Home 3. Brady, Madison, and Blake are so excited as well. My goal today is to stop stealing trouble from tomorrow and trust in God’s plan for our family.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!