I don’t believe I have shared this on the blog yet. I will do my best to put my thoughts into words, but I know that I won’t be able to explain my intentions well. So if you do not ‘get it’ or ‘catch my drift’ – no worries…
Justin and I both decided that we needed something to help us remember to be in constant prayer about this adoption. We are both very busy people and day-to-day life often gets in the way of the things that we want to keep as a priority. We decided that we would give up something sacrificially. We had never done this before and so we thought we would give it a try. I chose to give up chocolate (Justin will have to blog about this if he wants to share what he gave up). So I made a promise to God that until we travel on trip one to meet our son/daughter I would not eat chocolate. Now I must tell you that I am not one to sit down and eat an entire candy bar. BUT I am one that would have a handful of M&Ms or two Hershey Kisses after a meal. And when I am stressed I love to gnaw on Tootsie Rolls! So I couldn’t decide what constitutes chocolate and what doesn’t. Just to make sure I don’t mess this up, I have sworn off all chocolate flavored things too – like hot chocolate; oreos; etc… This all started on March 21. So what are the results 5 months later???
Each time I want chocolate, I remember to pray. Pray for God’s guidance, for His hand in the mix of this adoption. It really works! I do have to admit one slip up though. About a month ago I noticed that I was focusing a bit more on how long I, ME, MOI had gone without chocolate. I was patting myself on the back. While we were in Colorado, Justin came out of a shop with a delicious looking coffee drink. Without a second thought I took it from him and took a sip. As soon as I swallowed tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I just swallowed some mocha chocolate something or other! My heart broke. To some it may seem so silly, but to me it was devastating. I had a hard time letting this mistake go. I felt like I had disappointed God. Then I realized that part of my frustration was also in the fact that I couldn’t any longer brag that for X number of months I have had NO chocolate. What a reality check that moment was! This sacrifice has NOTHING to do with ME or MY accomplishments. It is a constant reminder to speak to God continually – to pray without ceasing. So I have moved on from my slip up even though the disappointment is still there and I am trying my best to keep my promise.
Now that I am back to work and getting stressed to the max, I am praying about our adoption constantly. I would love to have some stress relieving chocolate around 3:00 p.m. each day. For now, I am getting a great dose of prayer – and for that I am thankful.