Thursday, December 9, 2010

So hard to say Paka Paka (Bye-Bye)

Today’s visit started out the exact same as yesterday. Little Guy cried and cried. He would stop crying if I stood up and held him, but if I sat down at all he would cry. Eventually my back started to hurt so I decided it was time to show him who was boss :o) I sat on a bench by the window and he began to whimper. I let him whimper for awhile and finally he must have decided I wasn’t giving in. He pushed himself out of my lap and grabbed the little bowl of treats we had set out. From that moment on, we had such a great visit. He even showed us his sense of humor. Our visit lasted for about 2.5 hours. About two minutes before we had to leave he really warmed up and started to play with us instead of the toys. He would slide off a chair into my lap and smoosh his little face against mine. Then we discovered he loved to be lifted into the air. It was wonderful to play with him like this, but just as we were really enjoying ourselves we were told it was time for him to eat lunch and time for us to leave. We walked him back to his group and gave him two photobooks of our family and a stuffed bear. We left the other toys for the whole group to play with. I then bent down and said his Russian name and put my arms out. He came to me with the biggest smile and gave me a huge hug. At that moment I felt my heart starting to break. Then Justin did the same thing. He has taken a little longer to warm up to Justin since they never see any men around the baby home. Then he put a smile on his face again and gave Justin a goodbye hug. My heart could barely take it. The tears began to pool in my eyes so we turned to leave so that we didn’t upset him.

On one hand it is even harder to leave him than it was with Blake because we know how excruciating the next few months will be. Plus he is so little that we will miss out on many things that he will hopefully learn in that time. But on another hand because he is younger, we don’t think he fully understands that we will be his parents like Blake did. We felt by leaving Blake we were betraying him, and it is different this time. We can tell Little Guy is one of the favorite in his group and is well taken care of. We will have to take comfort in that as we wait to return on trip two.

God has answered so many prayers on this trip and I almost feel selfish asking for more of Him. I will be praying ever day for Little Guy’s well being and for a court date to come before his second birthday!


Malloree said...

Sooo happy this has been a blessed trip for you all!! Thinking of you and praying! Travel safely home - we miss you! :-)

Jody said...

I feel your pain. Our first trip I didn't even have the liberty to cry when I turned away....our two children were staring up at me wondering what mommy was going to do. It's so hard.
Praying for you as you journey back home.
Hurry with the paperwork....maybe you will head back to Vlad before we leave in February!!!

Tracey and Chuck said...

My heart breaks reading about your goodbye....tears filled my eyes as I remember it so clearly and how heartbreaking it is!! Hopefully you will be able to get your stuff together and be back over there nice and quick!!! Praying for a speedy court date!

Kate S. said...

My eyes are still "watery" from reading your goodbye moments with Little Guy. Wow, special indeed...amazing how God had this in his plan all along!

Hugs to you travels home.

Masha said...

:( At least he is very loved and this is just a small moment in time. I can't imagine how tough but knowing how well cared for he is has to help. Hopefully you guys get a court date soon to get him home!

Sabrina and Giorgio said...

I remember that feeling so vividly right now. Before you know it, we'll all be back there bringing our babies home. You've already changed his life!!

I'm working with the vladmission to get parishioners in to play with all the children in the three baby houses; including where your boy is. Can't wait to tell you more about it.. makes me feel better they will be getting attention they need!

Bill and Michelle Curran said...

Thanks for keeping us posted, I am so glad everything turned out so well.

heather said...

Thanks Heather for finding the time with all that is going on to post this amazing journey...I love reading about it and am so happy for you guys!! Safe travels back home and I too will be praying for you guys that you will see your Little Guy sooner than later.

cheryl said...

we hope you have a safe trip home, the kids will be glad to see you. i am sure it was hard for you to leave the little guy. you will be back soon. i cried when i read this entry. sad but sweet. see you soon.

Laura said...

*gulp* - your moment of saying good-bye just really got my heart. I remember that gut-wretching moment when all 3 of us teared up and cried!

I wish you nothing but a speedy wait for your trip to go back and bring Little Guy home. :)