Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Adjusting and Readjusting

I am starting this post at 9:45 p.m. All four kiddos are asleep and Justin is still in his tractor planting (praise God!) As I look around my kitchen, I see a million other things that I would like to accomplish, but I am quickly learning that they will be there waiting for me tomorrow. I have so many thoughts I would like to share and I would like to organize them all and write a nice post. That is just not going to happen. So I am just going to ramble – sort of blogging therapy. Sorry if you get lost along the way as you read this, but I have a feeling when I am done I am going to feel accomplished. :o)

As of this morning Boston and I have been home for 2 weeks. The changes in him are amazing. I would almost say the changes are scary because I realize how quickly this time with him at home is going to go. I am dreading going back to work at all. I of course dare not complain. I only have to go back the day after Memorial Day and for the following three weeks. I will then be staying at home with Boston; running Brady, Blake and Madison around; and helping Justin with farming and rental paperwork (sounds like a full time job to me!). I am hearing great things about the person that will replace me as the Technology Director for our school district and that helps a lot. I just adore the members of our tech department so it makes leaving a lot easier knowing they are going to be in good hands.

So adjusting… first let me start with Boston. He has settled in quite nicely. He is getting into a routine and that has been helpful for both of us. He LOVES to be outside with our dog and to take baths/showers. If he doesn’t get to do both of those things each day he will express his feelings of frustration. He lights up when his big sister Madison walks into the room. He and Blake play together fine, but they quickly lose interest in what the other is doing and are on to something new. Brady loves Boston and is very patient with him. Boston will play close to Brady but not so much WITH Brady. He seems hesitant of males if they seem like they are going to hang around long. So far sleeping and eating have not been an issue for us at all. We are grateful for that. I don’t think sleep deprivation would help the family dynamics at all.

The person who really had to make some adjustments is me. The first week home was very difficult for me. In Russia Boston would cry periodically but he didn’t really throw temper tantrums. Everything was so slowly paced there and life was all about Boston. So when we got home and I tried to catch up from being gone and jump back in to the normal rat race we run each day, I met some resistance. For the first time I saw a true 2 year old tantrum complete with feet kicking, attempting to bite, screaming, etc… Brady and Madison were never really fit throwers – well of course they threw fits – but not full blown tantrums. Blake was a year and a half older when he got home and from day one his main goal has been to please Justin and me. He has gotten a little ornerier which is kind of good to see, but again no tantrums. So Boston’s fit throwing really heightened my anxiety. I especially had a hard time if he did it in public. I felt like everyone was watching me and the new child that we CHOSE to go get and bring into our family and how I was going to handle the situation. This went on for almost a week and a half, several times a day. I then realized that I was the prime trigger for most of the fits. I refuse to give Boston everything he wants and give in to whining but really that was not when the fits would flair up. It was when he would be playing and I would quickly scoop him up because we needed to run to get the kids from school or run some errand. He had no warning and this new fast paced life was overwhelming him. Also he would feed off my anxiety. The more anxious I got them more agitated he was getting. So I started to make a conscious effort to start getting ready to leave the house earlier and slowing down when putting on his jacket and shoes and talking about going paka paka or bye bye. Of course slowing down and starting earlier in turn eased my anxiety because we were not running late. And wouldn’t you know, the fit throwing decreased dramatically. Now we have about one real fit a day and usually it is because someone has gone out the door and he didn’t get to go out and see the dog, and these fits are not lasting as long as they were. I also am learning how to not react to the fit and that if it happens in public most people who look at me are taking pity on me and not being critical (at least that is what I choose to believe). Adjusting and readjusting….

Wow, I have so much more I want to type by my eyes are burning from being so tired. I guess I’ll have to continue this post later. Since I don’t know when later will be, I am going to go ahead and post this part of the entry.

Until next time...


Jody said...

Wow Heather! I am so thankful that you all are doing so well. We had a little fit thrower once, too, and she's outgrown it now. :) As I said earlier, Jason is green with envy that Justin is in the field. IF it doesn't rain anymore, they can likely get in here in about 10 or so days.... He's getting kind of antsy!!
Sounds like a busy place around there!!! Blessings~

Christen L said...

First, does this mean you got the new dog and have you given in even an inch to letting it be in the house? lol.

Second... Hugs to you! The adjustment has been tough for me, too. Probably for completely different reasons - going from no kids to a very active one year old. But, just know there are many people (me included) off in the distance cheering you on and sending love and support.

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day! And now I have to go grab Crosby bc I hear him waking up!!!